Learning the Lessons of “Tween”
by Laura Matanah
My kids are 12 years old—right between childhood and their teenage years. Our website is in the midst of being redesigned, and we’re in between two ways of producing each month’s issue. In both these cases, I find myself having new roles and responsibilities, and working to support others as their roles and responsibilities change too.
My kids’ lives are much more oriented around their friends now, and much less toward us. I just spent a three-day weekend with my kids and two of their cousins at a Quaker camp, as I do every year. Sarah and I were talking about the weekend and I said, “Yeah, it was interesting this year. In the past, the kids would want to do activities with me, like boating, but this year, they mostly wanted to connect with their friends and each other.” Da’Jon happened to be walking through and overhead me. He stopped, looked at me, looked surprised, and said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “It’s fine. It’s part of you growing up, and I’m glad you are. It’s just a change for me.”
This kind of shift means a change in how we connect with our kids. We now need to make connection a conscious priority, rather than just assuming it will happen outside of regularly scheduled family time. They, too, have new roles and responsibilities in communicating with us. They have more freedom to decide where in the neighborhood they go and with whom, and at the same time more responsibility to tell us where they are and to check in or be home at agreed-upon times. When they forget or resist this, it’s no fun for anyone. But when they remember, it’s exciting to see them feeling comfortable enough to explore the neighborhood and create new friendships.
At Rainbow Rumpus, Cary Walski, our webmaster, has taken on a huge new role in managing our redesign, and she is doing a brilliant job of coordinating a complicated process. She has taken on new roles in being the point person in communications with our consultants; training and supervising folks to help her with the work; and learning to program in a new software system. Kevin Watson, one of our board members, has taken leadership in assisting with the process and communicating with the board. All of us have had to figure out new ways to work together. We’ve found that we need to communicate far more than we’d previously imagined to keep the process on track.
In the midst of both transitions, I notice that the process of figuring out new roles is often messy, and it takes time and attention to figure out what works and feels right. It’s important to have patience. It can be easy to have misunderstandings, so a lot of communication is vital. It’s helpful to have support and feedback from experienced people who aren’t directly part of the process.
Thanks to all of you who have supported the redesign process through providing feedback about our current site and what you’d like to see, as well as gifts of time, money, and encouragement. While we’re “tween” things now, a much more sophisticated site, which will better serve you, is on the way.
