Publisher's Letter: Keeping House

by Laura Matanah

The days of “playing family” are long gone in our home. At 13, the kids are into music and movies. “Being the baby” is no longer a coveted role.

We recently visited with an old friend who just had her first child. She’s rethinking her life. Where does she want to raise her child? What does she want as their core values? I’ve found myself revisiting those same questions in a different way, now that our kids are 13.

This summer we instituted new privileges and responsibilities. The kids have much more money so that they can see movies or do other activities with their friends. They also have unlimited computer time, assuming that their chores are done. What are the new chores? They are shopping for and making dinner once a week, and doing two other chores (sweeping, mopping, lawn mowing, etc.) each day.

I’m ridiculously happy about it.

Complaining about dinner had become (despite our scolding) practically a nightly pastime in our home. It is so satisfying to have the kids call each other on any complaints about the food. It’s also delightful to see them figuring out how to make meals they like, and be proud of their accomplishments.

As we prepare for them to enter their final year of middle school, I am finding myself with a new frame of reference, looking ahead to the time when they are independent adults. It’s somewhat daunting to think that we have just five more years for them to learn the arts of grown-up daily living: cooking, cleaning, financial management, and household maintenance. And, in some ways, that’s the easy part. There’s also the new world of romantic relationships, and the new role of friends, to figure out at the same time.

If you’re a grown-up, wish us luck. And whether you’re a grown-up or a teen, we’d love to have you share your thoughts about changing roles and responsibilities in the teen years on our Facebook page.