Kathleen, Erica, and Sarah are the second family to be interviewed for OUTtakes from the Smooch Project. I caught up with them on a spring evening in their backyard, as they were finishing up a dinner of coney dogs and home-brewed beer (root beer for Sarah!).
In the past, relationships have been rollercoaster rides for both Kathleen and Erica—exciting one time but unsteady the next. Some ended prematurely, and others seemed to be doomed from the start. For Kathleen, coming out as a transwoman was too much of a stressor to a marriage that began when she was young. “I couldn’t be somebody’s husband part of the time and me the rest of the time,” she explains.
After her divorce, Kathleen lost custody of Sarah, a daughter she had adopted a few years prior, and moved to the Twin Cities from Iowa. It took Kathleen more than three years to get her daughter back, but finally Sarah and Kathleen were reunited last spring after an exhausting custody battle. In the meantime, Kathleen had lost her current partner in another battle—this time with cancer. “From January to March of last year, I was very much alone,” she remembers.
“But you weren’t alone for long,” Sarah, now twelve, pipes up. Kathleen laughs. “No, not for long. Then I got you back, and I met her,” she nods to the woman on her right, “and things began to get better. I moved into Erica’s house with Sarah last fall.”
Kathleen and Erica met through a Twin Cities–based choral group called Trans Voices, only the second transgender chorus in the nation. Erica is president of the group, and the two hit it off soon after they met.
“I joined Trans Voices in the spring of 2004,” Erica says, “right during a pivotal point in my life. I’ve been married twice, and when the last one ended, my life totally changed. It was really hard, but everything came together and I found my path. And I realized what I needed to complete myself—two and a half years ago I came out as trans and changed my name.”
Before living with Kathleen and Sarah, Erica had never been a parent. “I knew that I would be a good parent,” Erica explains. “When I met Kathleen and Sarah had just come back—right from the get-go it was never a question, ‘is this what I want; is this going to work?’ Right off it just came together, and it was fine.”
Kathleen laughs. “It kind of surprised me how quickly she adapted to being a parent, because she has no experience—she didn’t even babysit nephews when she was young!”
“When we moved in, Sarah had to sleep on the couch for a while because Erica was still trying to make everything perfect in here,” Kathleen explains, as Sarah shows me the best room in the house—her bedroom. They both agree that when Erica finished, the room was definitely worth the wait. It’s a princess’s refuge—stenciled stars adorn the walls, delicate lace curtains cover the windows, and everything else is decorated with shades of Sarah’s favorite color, pink.
From painting to boat making, the family is always busy with a number of projects. “We’re Renaissance women!” Erica explains. She has some planting to do, as well as finishing a boat the family’s taking to the Boundary Waters this summer. Kathleen shows me her finished boat in the tarp-covered boat shop out back—a shallow sturdy-looking wooden “mouse boat,” as she calls it. The family is looking forward to a build-your-own boat regatta in June—a test to see if the boat actually floats, they explain only half-jokingly.
Whether working on a project or just relaxing, the three try to spend as much time as a family as they can. “We always eat supper together,” Kathleen says. “Sometimes we go out to eat or go to a movie, but the biggest thing we do outside of the house is go to the Roller Derby in St. Paul.” Sarah shows me her new pink Rollerblades that she’s excited to try out this summer.
Between Rollerblading, boatbuilding, and paddling around the Boundary Waters, the family is looking forward to summer. Plus, they have a wedding to plan. Erica grins, and tells me, “I proposed to Kathleen on Valentine’s Day with a dozen roses.”
