Pedro Has To Do Something

It all started a week before Thanksgiving. Pedro was drawing turkeys for a school project, when Dad took him aside, sat him on the couch, and looked him straight in the eye.

“Pedro,” he said. Pedro thought he sounded a little like those perfect fathers on TV.

“Pedro,” he said. “I’ve been thinking …”

“Thinking?” asked Pedro. “What do you mean?”

“Well, Little Bear,” said Dad, “you see … you’re growing up and I … well, I’ve realized that … well, son, I think you need a father.”

“But Dad,” said Pedro, “I have a father. And it’s you, remember?”

“Yes!” said Dad. “No! I mean … I mean another father.”

“Another father?” said Pedro. “You mean two fathers?”

“That’s right, Little Bear!” said Dad. “I’ve signed up for a dating service and tomorrow you and I will start looking for your new dad.”

“Together?” said Pedro.

“Yes, together, Little Bear,” said Dad happily. “We’re a team, right?”

And he gave Pedro a Big Bear hug.

That Saturday, Dad brought home a guy with a double chin named Chuck or Buck. Pedro couldn’t remember. Chuck (or Buck) looked at Pedro, pursed his lips, and said: “What is this? A child?”

“Good for you!” Pedro answered. “You’re moving on to big words!”

And that was the last of him.

The next week it was Pedro’s turn to choose a date. He got this perfect guy named James: tall, blond, and he even had a dog! They arranged to meet in the park.

“Look!” said Pedro. “There he is! That must be his German shepherd, Princess, over there.”

“But,” said Dad, “he’s thin.”

“Look how fast she runs, Dad!” said Pedro.

“But,” said Dad, “he doesn’t have a beard.”

They never did get to talk to James.

The next week’s guy, Dick, was big and fat. He had a beard and he worked at a video arcade. Pedro guessed he would probably have free access to the games when the arcade was closed. The whole thing was looking very promising until Dick farted in the middle of their dinner.

“Better out than in!” he said with a laugh.

Pedro was so surprised he couldn’t say a thing. But he was glad when Dad opened the window to let the fresh air in.

Then it was Pedro’s pick again. He ruled out Charley (the chess player), Lee (the math teacher), and the guy who titled his ad “Mad About Knitting.” That only left Sam, the accountant.

When Sam left, Pedro didn’t have a second father, but at least Dad had his taxes all sorted out.

“Next week, Little Bear,” said Dad, putting the calculator back into its case, “my pick.”

And that was how they ended up watching a bowling game with Butch. Butch and Pedro’s father were all excited about the game, jumping from the couch and giving each other high-fives everytime the Penguins scored.

It would not be half as pathetic, Pedro thought, if it were football or baseball.

It would not be half as pathetic if it were anything but bowling.

I really need to do something, thought Pedro. And soon.